I think I’m having a midlife crisis… actually, I’ve probably been having a midlife crisis for a good ten years now…

You see, I’m bored. Life is boring… and dull… and jaded… and uneventful (well, yes – there is stuff happening in my life, but very little of it is bright and happy and cheerful… a lot of it is about my brother and sister in law being hijacked (okay, granted, their withdrawing all their pennies in cash before emigrating to France instead of getting traveller’s cheques was probably not the most inspired idea and it probably did prompt said hijacker dudes to rob them blind and bring their whole world crashing down…) or my father’s business not doing too well (he’s in his sixties, for heaven’s sake… he should not have to work like he does… he looks so tired…) or my sister’s ongoing angst since her divorce or my husband’s stress at work… or… well… family stuff… you understand…).

The perplexing thing is that none of this has anything to do with me… in the sense that I can’t change it… and yet I feel caught up in it all… trapped somehow… caught up in other people’s stuff…

I feel like I’m at a crossroads…

You see, I feel like something needs to change, and that change will be prompted by a choice that I need to make…

Do I stay at my current job (it pays the bills, helpful that), or do I start to look for a job that feeds my soul significantly more… or do I start my own thing (I have no clue what the would be, but it would probably involve the making of pretty things)… or do I start studying again… and if I start studying again, should I study something in design (I wanted to be a costume designer when I was a little person…) or do I go into healing (family constellation therapy still fascinates me)… or…

Reading about other people who have made, what seems like, a beautiful life is not working for me anymore… Collecting the Home and Ideas magazines in the hopes of one day creating all of these wonderful things isn’t working for me anymore…

So, I’m stuck… now what?

Perhaps the biggest challenge is coming to a place of peace around what one actually wants out of life… What do I actually want to create? (Notice the blank expression on my face… does this tell you something?)

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